||[Mar. 26th, 2006|05:51 am]
|||||Only the Lonely||]|
School is winding down and I feel like i'm not moving at a face enough pace. My schedule is so weird this semester its like tuesday and wednesday is the busiest day for me, but i'm pretty much free thursday and friday . However, I have enough homework to last me a lifetime. If theres one thing I have learned about nursing its that it is a stuggle. I mean you always learn something new, theres always different cases, different people and attitudes.
You never know whats going to happen that day, life is like a rollercoaster ride theres ups and downs. This semester I have felt my fair share of ups and downs. Its so weird i feel like i have a slight case of bipolar disorder, but its probably just normal. I have stress, but I also create it in my head. I mean aside from school thers alot i'm thinking about.
I still can't stop thinking about Hari, I mean its gotten better from before, but its still hard to get over. I mean it was great when we actually saw each other, but other than that he is one strange guy. I'm going to be treasurer of Circle K next year, which is going to be interesting. I hope I do a good job for the club, I've never taken that position before, so i'm going to try my best and i'm not that best at math but at least i have a calculator lol! I probably will take and exec. positon in IEC next year also. Those are two things that require quite a bit of dedication, but those are the two clubs i'm really passionate about other than CANS (Carroll Student Nurses Association). Its been fun this year, but I wonder if i'm having too much fun and not enough hardwork.
Sometimes I wish I was a natural genius like most of my cousins are. In all reality I know i'm smart but in a different kind of way. I mean its takes me a while to understand a difficult concept, but I eventually can understand it. When it comes to pictures I have a good memory of that in my mind. Pictographic memory is something I have been using for the most part as a child.
I think the biggest problem i'm facing with myself this year is what have I got to offer? I'm not extremely smart, I definately have my strong sides. I'm definately not perfect , I mean I probably have more stupid moments than the average person. I mean the good things are that I am a nice person and I truly care about people and want to make an impact on their lives. I mean I know I have alot of things to improve about myself and I'm working on it as fast as I can, but is it enough? I just don't know! I'm honored to be in college at all, but theres so many disadvantages that I have.
Maybe someday I can answer these questions for myself. Sometimes all I want is to see my grandmother and know everything is ok. I mean there are a few people that care about me i'm sure, but I have a connection with her like no one else. I don't how long she has to live, but I hope I get to see her at least once before she dies. I just don't think its fair that everyone has seen her except me.